Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
