loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
