I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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