I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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