saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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