How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
