dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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