the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
