where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
