all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
