Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
