Do you still have your period?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
