So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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