Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
