I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
