i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
