dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
