i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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