so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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