i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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