I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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