I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
