This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
