woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
