what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
