just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
