He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He has the fingertips of a God
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