life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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