I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
