Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
3pm strippers are depressing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
