Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
