Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
