she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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