what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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