she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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