I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
