K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
