I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
