I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
