he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
