ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
