why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This baby is an asshole
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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