Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
