theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
