so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
