so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
