remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize