awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
