I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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