Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
