god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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