did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
