she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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