oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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