I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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