Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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