Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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