Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
