Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize