if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
