turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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