We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize