Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
