Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
