Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
