hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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