Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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