I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
