Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
