No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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