I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
