I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
