I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
