she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
