omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
