i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
