whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
