Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
