hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
