We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize