I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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