I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
