I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
