im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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