Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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