it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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