I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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