worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
