Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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