You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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