No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's shark week go big or go home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
