my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
