Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
