Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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