She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
