2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
