I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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