I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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