2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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