I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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