I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
