he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
