Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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