There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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